Very few times in a life can you pinpoint the moments when it all changed. I was a different Fred the day before I heard Pearl Jam’s 10 album. It was like the day I first saw “The River’s Edge”. I was so profoundly affected, I knew instantly that I would never see the world the same. Toward the end of “Alive”, the drummer, Cameron, smashing the snares so hard it is like a father beating the man who raped his little girl; like a freezing man chopping down a tree just before the ice smothers the last of his fire; like a drowning man smashing the surface of the lake trying find something to grab; like a spastic kid coming out of a grand mal seizure and not recognizing the world around him; like someone scratching at the smoke around their face while they are trapped in a fire. It is painful, powerful, and nowhere near hopeful. It is life. “Is something wrong?/She said./Of course there is./You're still alive./She said./Oh, and do I deserve to be?”

Alive - Pearl Jam

"Son," she said, "Have I got a little story for you.
What you thought was your daddy was nothing but a...
While you were sitting home alone at age thirteen your real daddy was dying.
Sorry you didn't see him but I'm glad we talked."

Oh, I... Oh, I'm still alive.
Hey, I... Oh, I'm still alive.
Hey, I... Oh, I'm still alive.
Hey, ooh.

Oh, she walks slowly across a young man's room.
She said, "I'm ready for you."
Why I can't remember anything to this very day?
'Cept the look. The look.
Oh, you know where. Now I can't see I just stare.

I... I'm still alive.
Hey I... But, I'm still alive.
Hey I... Boy, I'm still alive.
Hey I... Oh, I'm still alive. Yeah.
Ooh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Oh. Ooh.

"Is something wrong?" She said. Of course there is.
"You're still alive." She said. Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question? And if so, if so, who answers? Who answers!

I... Oh, I'm still alive.
Hey I... Oh, I'm still alive.
Hey I... But, I'm still alive.
Yeah I... Ooh, I'm still alive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Woh uh huhu. Yeah uh huhu. Ohh woh uh huhu. Yeah uh huhu. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.